And so I opened Chew’s mail. The first words were: “Your Prepaid MasterCard Card has arrived!”
Apparently the Palm Desert National Bank. licensed by Mastercard, has deemed my eight year old epileptic Budgie qualified to use a prepaid Mastercard which can be conveniently “loaded” at two convenient locations operated by the “Big Apple” chain of convenience stores.
This scam, or otherwise inept pre-qualified financial institution actually sent a physical Mastercard, complete with Chew’s full name to him at his home address.
Being an English Budgie who is eight years old with no social security number and no employment history, apparently presents no barrier to financial institutions seeking to create revenue through unethical and misguided means. The fine print even states: “ATTENTION EMPLOYERS AND BENEFIT PROVIDERS: The AchieveCard is a reloadable prepaid card that accepts Direct Deposits just like a traditional checking account.”
The fine print further states: “Palm Desert National Bank is a member of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (“FDIC”) and all cardholder’s funds are insured by the FDIC in accordance with the FDIC’s applicable terms and conditions.”
Chew can also earn 5,000 “Achieve Points” by setting up direct deposit which qualifies him to “bid” on “cool stuff”.
Of course, AchieveCard will charge a fee of $9.95 to activate the card (free activation with direct deposit), a monthly fee of $9.95 for simply having the card, limit daily cash withdrawals to $300.00 maximum per day, and limit the transactions to 12 per day.
AchieveCard also promises to share Chew’s personal information with affiliates or non-affiliated third parties, as well as service providers and agents. Even Chew understands this to mean that if her were to become a sucker, every scammer in the country would shortly know his name, phone number, address, and financial information.
Regardless of the fact that Chew, and English Budgie, is swift enough to know better than to fall for this scam, he is indeed flattered by the offer and is proudly displaying the AchieveCard MasterCard between the rungs of his spacious cage. He wishes the entire community know and understand the depth and breadth of the research performed by AchieveCard in order to entrust Chew, at only eight years old, with his very own MasterCard with his full name emblazoned on it, pre-approved for a wing tiring workout at convenience stores, casinos, and department stores everywhere.
Chew is a tad concerned the FDIC would go to all the trouble to insure his money and even has a bit of guilt about our Government backing his hard earned dollars, especially when our country’s debt level is so high. But like any good bird, he wishes to thank out government for insuring his funds and he promises to be a responsible MasterCard user.